


you're free to touch the sky (while i am crushed and pulverized)

by WritingForLouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: (is that even a thing?), 1900s era, Childhood Trauma, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Historical Inaccuracy, Lord Tomlinson, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Oral Sex, Pining, Pledge Harry, SO MUCH FLUFF, Secret Society AU, Threats of Violence, lol that didn't go as planned, so much emotion holy crap, this fic turned into my worst nightmare, this was supposed to be so smutty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-04 18:49:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5344700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingForLouis/pseuds/WritingForLouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(1900s)</p><p>Louis hasn't cried in three years, hasn't felt the touch of love, hasn't felt the need for human confinement.</p><p>Louis didn't know Harry Styles.</p><p>Sometimes he wished he did.</p><p>------</p><p>prompt: secret society AU- Harry is a pledge, Louis is the fascinating and vaguely sinister leader</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're free to touch the sky (while i am crushed and pulverized)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sunshiner](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshiner/gifts).



> Title From: Dead Inside -Muse
> 
> //Pinch Hitter//
> 
> No one taught me how to stick to a prompt.
> 
> What was supposed to be a smut filled College AU turned into a 1900s emotional triumph of heart...
> 
> side note: pants means underwear in England!
> 
> repost//
> 
> \--
> 
> warning: past rape/non-con but it isn't for any main characters but it is mentioned a lot 
> 
> also historical inaccuracy! 
> 
> \--
> 
> for the lovely sunshiner !

 

 

The autumn leaves fumbled to the ground, bruised by the wind. It was a quiet time, with the wind swirling and the sound of faint car horns blowing.

England was a cold landscape, brittle and bare. No color dared to show it’s face in the land, for there was never a time for brightness.

Louis crunched the leaves beneath his leather boots, grimacing at the sky as he checked his pocket watch in anticipation.

Louis William Tomlinson was born of the Austin nobility name. He was brought into the life of a wealthy nobleman but it was released from his grasp at a young age.

His mother, Johannah, had an explicit affair with a petty servant man, becoming pregnant with his child; forcing her current husband, Troy Austin, to divorce her and cut off all ties with the three.

Louis was furious at his mother’s infidelity, the curse of having to change his last name stained his blood line.

Though, as he began to grow older and come to terms with his mother’s lover. He realized that it wasn’t pure sexual attraction that lead his mother to do such a thing, it was the act of love.

His heart fumbled with the idea of pure love, once he had finally come to terms with his mother’s secret lover he grew accustomed to the petty life of a poor man.

As time passed, his mother gave birth to two girls.

Louis didn’t resent the girls, he embraced them with open arms. For he never had close interaction with people. He spent his nights reading to them, talking of princes and castles. He braided their hair and sang them songs of flowers and birds. He hugged them in their times of sadness and protected them from the dark.

Their home life was one of rags, but they seemed happy. Their clothes were dirty and torn but they worked hard for everything they owned so an undeniable pride filled their lungs.

In 1901, however, a tragedy struck the household.

With the death of Queen Victoria, a beloved ruler of England, came her despicable son, King Edward VII.

He was a strict man with grueling eyes and a heart full of coal. He placed heavy taxes on the poor and used the riches for lavish and grand parties. King Edward VII also took to himself common whores of all age; he spent his riches in servants and practices of prostitutes.

Louis’ family endured hardships under his rule. Louis’ step-father struggled with the high taxes and everyone was salvaging to find a way to make it through the weeks.

Louis, a twenty-one year old boy, was awoken in his quiet cottage he shared with his family by clanging metal and broken wood.

The Knights of King Edward VII ransacked his home in the dark of night.

He awoke from slumber by his sister’s piercing screams.

Louis ran from his quaint room to find knights tearing apart his sister’s clothes off their bodies, along with his mother.

He slammed one of the knights to the ground as the knight tried to mount his youngest sister, another knight tore them apart and held Louis in place.

Louis looked across the small room and saw his step-father in tears, screaming, with bloodied knuckles being held by a guard also.

Louis was forced to watch his only true happiness raped, beaten, and humiliated.

He was held upright by guards as he cried in torment, his eyes bleeding with tears and heart pounding. He pleaded and begged but it was for no use.

The knights told them that they had paid their taxes to late, that this was proper punishment.

They pounded into his two sisters and his mother, taking his sister’s golden virginity without mercy, making them scream and bleed in agony and despair; they took his sisters in the aftermath.

Louis ran after them, screaming and cursing as he heard their cries for their brother to help them. He was useless, they cried for him and he could do nothing but fall to the dirt road, tears streamed his face, along with blood and strain.

He swore to the heavens that he would have his revenge, that he would kill every last man that was in the monarchy. He was controlled by anger and vengeance, his eyes never held the same stare as they did in his youth.

Louis left his household after the attack, he couldn’t bear to see his pitiful step-father or his broken mother any longer.

He worked for nobleman as a servant, saving every gold piece he earned for a greater purpose.

The short lad had found himself struck with a gold mine after the death of his Master, Dr. William Robert Woodman.

Louis was, surprisingly, granted the right to Dr. Woodman’s riches. As Dr. Woodman had no children, or spouse for that matter, he bequeathed his belongings to Louis, his most loyal servant.

He also gave Louis the rights to his own deepest secret.

Dr. Woodman had, long ago, created a masterful secret society, full of classical men of power and political warriors.

He called it Golden Dawn.

Dr. Woodman granted Louis access to his society, even though it had been long gone for many years.

It was a large piece of land, which possessed a plethora of buildings, a pledge house, court yard, Lord’s Hall, the Officiant Building, and a small hospital gathering house.

Louis saw this opportunity as a means to obtain power, to control and dominate.

He took his new riches and reformed Golden Dawn. Louis recruited the most sinister anti-monarchs he could find, he obtained their loyalty with a flick of the wrist.

Louis dressed himself in dark clothes, long trench coats, and always held a piercing glare. He held his head higher than the men who he claimed in the Golden Dawn. He was their superior, their inferior, their new Lord, he had gained his control.

He had become his own dictator of men.

Louis planned horrible things as the Lord of Golden Dawn. He staged the assassination of the Prime Minister and placed bombings all throughout England.

He thrived on the control, he soaked it through his skin.

King Edward VII knew of the attacks, but never the successor behind them all; it sent a tinge of fear down his spine every time it seemed to be brought up.

Louis, currently, sat against a wall of mahogany colored bricks; the entrance to the Golden Dawn cove.

He tapped his foot in angst and anger, he hated waiting, especially for pledges.

Louis needed-no _wanted_ , new and younger pledges for his society. He wanted to take control in all aspects, having brains and brawn.

He simply asked to have them there at 6AM but clearly, seeing as it was four minutes passed that, no one had listened.

Louis’ rage grew with every passing minute; _how dare they disobey me_ , Louis thought.

He knew it wasn’t fair to punish the new pledges for being late, since it wasn’t their fault originally but Louis found himself not caring. If he let this slide then no one would take him seriously. It’s better to instill fear early than late, Louis concluded.

The sound of tires along gravel interrupted his train of thought as five black and silver Wolseley automobiles appeared from the thick trees.

Louis’ face remained stern and cold as he watched the pledges file out of the cars, each blindfolded.

He gazed upon them in indifference; they appeared in different clothes of all ranks, some with poor peasant vests and others with scarfs of rank and dignity.

They were a curious looking bunch, but Louis had high hopes.

He looked towards the drivers, “You’re all late.”

His voice was one of stone, hard and solid. His face was formed perfectly at every angle, his eyes a piercing blue; he rubbed the stubble on his chin, something he did in times of annoyance.

“Sorry, Lord Tomlinson. We had a spy on our hands, had to take care of him.” His trusted right hand man stood out, head held high as he reported the news.

His name was Zayn Malik, he’d come to Louis in the beginning of it all and was the most trusted out of his men.

“No excuse it a good enough excuse for me.” Louis said dismissively, “Now, lets begin with introductions. Un-blindfold them.”

They obeyed his command and the wide eyes of the men stared about, gazing at their new fate and home.

Louis walked closer to the gang of men, seeing them cower put a smirk on his thin lips. “I’m Louis William Tomlinson, you shall only address me as Lord Tomlinson. Anyone who fails to follow that rule with be excommunicated.”

“You will not speak of this society, if you do, well, you won’t live to tell that story.” Louis smirked at the fear blazing in every man’s eyes.

“Their are other rules here that I am too preoccupied to go over, so that job will be handed to Count Malik.”

Louis turned to entered the Lord’s Hall but looked back with a sinister glare, “And don’t think you won’t be punished for your late coming.”

 

*

 

Louis paced around his room in agitation.  
 ****

The Royal Guards would be strolling into the town of Manchester in four hours, and Louis was planning something disruptive.

He already had the timed bombs placed before hand, but he wanted to be sure it would work, he needed it.

A blasting knock sounded against his chamber door, “Who is it!” Louis demanded.

“It’s me Lord, Count Malik.”

Louis sighed, “What do you want.”

“Lord, you still have to do individual interrogations with the pledges.” Zayn opened the door, and slowly walked in.

Louis grumbled, “Can’t believe I forgot about that…”

Zayn interjected immediately, “No, it’s my fault for not reminding you Lord.”

Louis dismissed him, “Whatever, line them up into my chambers, starting at the Hall. I’ll consult them here.”

Zayn followed Louis’ orders immediately, each pledge was lined in front of the doors and waiting for interrogation.

Louis was slowly becoming numb with all these pledges, their names were jumbled in his head and their faces forgotten.

He grew tired of the pity stories of murdered fathers and siblings, he showed no mercy in telling them off about it either.

They were not attractive men, but average. They all looked the same to him, the same cold stare he saw in his own eyes.

Until a pair of bright green orbs transfixed his mind.

A lanky gentlemen, taller than Louis himself, with long limbs and brown curly locks that almost reached his shoulders stumbled into the room.

His face was one of beauty, his lips were plump pink, and his face was one of pale grace. His eyebrows furrowed, cheekbones prominent, his nose was in the shape of a button.

Louis was entranced.

The tall beauty stumbled in the room, his face erupted in a huge blush.

“I’m sorry Lord Tomlinson, I-I’m a bit clumsy.”

His voice pushed Louis back in shock, it was deep and sultry, unlike his feminine appearance.

“That’s fine, sweetheart.” Louis smirked as he eyed the boy before him, “Tell me about your self.”

Louis was intrigued, to say the least. He wanted to be trapped in this boy, but he knew better than to get involved in a pledge.

“M’names Harry Edward Styles. I have a mother, Anne, and a older sister, Gemma. I got involved in politics once my father passed away, I always believed we could become better than King Edward VII. I stumbled upon your meeting room by accident and was transfixed by it all, I admire your bravery Lord, I realized that I could help change parliament by joining this society.” Harry raved on with a twinkle in his eyes.

Louis found himself staring fondly at the pretty boy before him, “You’re far to beautiful for this line of work.”

Harry erupted into a shade of red, “I could say the same about you Lord.”

Louis’ eyes widened, no one ever dared flirt with him.

“I-I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to um come across in that way, please Lord, I apologize.” Harry stood frantic, eyes wide.

“It’s okay darling, just don’t let the other men here you say such things.” Louis pushed down the underlying impulse to punish Harry.

“Thank you Lord.” A flash of fear filled Harry’s expression, and for the first time, Louis despised the look of fear on his face.

“Um Lord? May I ask you a question?” Harry looked so innocent, Louis couldn’t look away from his countenance.

Louis smiled, and for another first time, it wasn’t in irony. “You already did love.”

Harry erupted into a giggle, dimples appeared on his visage.

Louis was dead.

He couldn’t handle this amount of cuteness in one boy.

“H-How old are you?”

“Twenty-four, December 24th. And may I ask the same for you?” Louis leaned forward.

“Twenty, February 1st.” Harry beamed.

Louis’ eyes wandered to the boy’s lips, he yearned to be blessed by them.

“You are quite young, but I’m not complaining. I like that you’re younger,” Louis smirked as he got up from his seat, stepping towards a shaken Harry “It gives me more dominance.” Louis’ voice was lowered in an alluring way.

Harry blushed a rapid color, and he was ashamed at the hot fill in his trousers, he looked down dejectedly.

“I want to see those pretty eyes of yours love.” Louis lifted Harry’s chin with his hand, even though he was an inch smaller, he held control.

Louis stared into those vibrant jade eyes, seeing life and exuberance.

A loud bang interrupted his intimate moment.

Harry jumped back, and Louis fumed with rage.

_Of course_

“Stay here pretty boy.” Louis smiled at the beautiful enchanter and pulled open the doors in a new found rage.

“Who the hell thought it was a good idea to interrupt my interview!” Louis eyes stumbled upon two pledges pinned against separate walls, their eyes rapid, and mouths seething.

Louis looked at the two service men holding each pledge back, “What is going on.” His voice demanded.

“This asshole was incompetent m’Lord. He was ‘bout ta bust through the doors but I stopped ‘em, then we got into an um scuffle.” One pledge called out from the wall, his hair was blonde and voice distinctly of Irish denomination.

“You dared try to interrupt me?” Louis seethed at the other, a plump older gentleman.

“Was that damn twink, you got in there! We waited hell on earth and you decide to take your time on _him_. Might as well make him your whore, since that’s all his cock suckin’ lips are good for.”

Louis’ eyes blazed red, he didn’t tolerate misbehavior or disobedience.

He especially didn’t like his speech on Harry, but he needed to show dominance.

He couldn’t be seen as weak.

“You are a disgrace, a disgusting maggot put upon the earth.” Louis’ voice was filled with malice, “have him executed.”

Louis’ ears were pounding, he only had to execute five men in the past but he can’t be so lenient any more. His blood raged for power, his eyes held the gaze of death.

Everyone grew silent and the man’s eyes filled with fear, “No! Please!” He begged with Louis.

Louis just smiled, “Hope you have a nice time suffering.” as he watched the service men haul him away to the gallows.

Louis turned to the rest of the men, “That’s what happens when you disobey me, when you argue with me, and when you anger me.”

Louis bustled back into his chambers after he saw them all tremble.

He was greeted by Harry’s frantic eyes and glorious face.

“You’re killing him?” His eyes were wide. He was cautiously teetering back and forth on the balls of his feet.

Louis sighed, “Yes, he disobeyed, it’s proper punishment.” Louis chose to ignore the blatant disrespect of eavesdropping that Harry possessed.

“B-but why not give him a second chance?”

“I don’t believe in second chances, young one.”

 

*****

 

Louis dismissed Harry off and canceled the rest of the interrogations. He had to set his mind straight and release his lust for Harry.

Louis had no time for lust anymore, he’s in control of the Golden Dawn, he has responsibility. Giving Harry that false sense of security was a mistake on Louis’ part. He wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

Louis huddled at his desk and wrote down his plan for the day, he wasn’t having anymore distractions.

This was the last time he would ever think of Harry Edward Styles, Louis vowed it.

 

*

 

It had been a month since he last saw Harry and he was a mess.  
 ****

He missed his sweet smell and smile, his laugh, and his dimples.

He distanced himself from the pledges as they began train, which made him anxious.

And if Louis secretly went to Harry’s station to admire him from afar, then that’s his business.

Louis was going to have a surprise check up on his pledges and check their progress, and if this was a secret ploy to see Harry then no one but Louis had to know.

Louis walked to the court yard, it was another slightly gloomy day in the beginning of September. The trees were bare and you could see your breath within every heart beat.

Louis’ leather boots tapped on the concrete and he stuffed his hands into his coat pocket.

He approached the court yard and saw his men doing various exercises, many gave shouts of protest, and blood was evident on their clothes.

Louis smiled at their pain.

But as his curious eyes wandered he couldn’t find those sweet green eyes.

His heartbeat quickened at the thought of an absent Harry, that meant only one thing.

Death.

Louis paced himself as he approached an pledge officer.

“I see you’re working them hard.” Louis’ face contorted back to it’s sterile form.

“Eh, they haven’t seen hell yet. Can’t wait for Saturday though, the ritual is going to be fun.”

Louis knew that sinister tone all too well as he looked away from Officer Joseph, the physical physician for Golden Dawn.

_How could I forget?_

The ritual was the initiation for the pledges.

They were usually kidnapped in the night, interrogated, groped, and flogged. If they lasted through that, then they would be officially apart of the Golden Dawn. It was supposedly preparing them for being taken on a mission, but Louis created it to instill fear, make them cower beneath him.

But Louis had other things to worry about, that including Harry.

“I see that their are less pledges…” Louis questioned

“Yes, Lord. They were to weak so we had them either executed or excommunicated.” Officer Joseph answered in a robotic state.

The hair on the back of Louis’ neck stood up. “Did one of those happen to be Harry Edward Styles, tall, brown curly hair?”

Officer Joseph gave a quizzical look but wiped it from his face in fear of being ridiculed.

“Oh, Styles has been moved from the physical course. He lacked the, well, motivation. We had him granted the opportunity to become apart of the journalism course. He is well equipped in writing, we could use him to write our reports.”

Louis breathed out a sigh of relief, “Hm, quite fitting. I questioned his appearance during his interrogation, didn’t seem like the fighting type.”

Officer Joseph snorted, “Got that right, quite the looker I’d say. I’d bet he’d like the flogging.”

Louis’ eyes blazed red, “Do not disrespect the pledges in any sexual way or you’ll be the one getting executed.”  

Louis sternly walked away, not even glancing at the pale face of the officer.

He felt as if he was going mad, suffocating in the fumes of Harry.

He didn’t even know this man.

He’s not sure he even wants too.

He can’t.

He won’t.

 

 *****

 

Louis was weak.

He found himself standing in front of the shabby pledge house in shame, like a sad puppy.

His mind was telling him to run, run far away from Harry and fall back into his routine.

But Louis is absolutely enamored with the boy, he only met him once and he can’t escape it.

So when Louis found the courage to waltz into the pledge house he cursed himself.

Most pledges were still outside, training for combat. But their are some pledges, like Harry, who are skilled amongst other things. They stay behind and study their bearings, trying to equip themselves with enough knowledge to make it through the society.

As Louis entered the house the rank smell of something rotten hit his nostrils like a wave, it was revolting.

He stuck his nose up in disgust and pledges who were standing nearby cowered.

“Where is Harry Edward Styles?” Louis asked forcefully to a pledge standing in the left corner of the boxed off room.

“H-he’s in Room 12” the pudgy male acquired, he was quivering in his glasses.

“Thank you, and also, clean up that horrible stench. It’s disgusting and degrading.” Louis puffed up his chest and slicked his hair back into it’s quiff.

The walls were covered with shaggy brown wallpaper, etched out from all the years of neglect. Louis knew that the Golden Dawn was a society of class, but he treated his pledges as such so that they would not get full of themselves, so that they would realize their rank compared to him.

He faced passing pledges with a cold stare until he reached Harry’s door.

His heart felt  rapid, his head cloudy; he started to feel these unwelcome feelings, the feeling of anxiety.

He doubted that what he had was a crush, no he couldn’t possibly admire this boy behind the door.

It was just lust.

It wasn’t anything else.

It couldn’t be.

It can’t be.

Louis knocked on the door, his eyes widened in realization.

He never knocks on doors, this is _his_ society, Harry is _his_ pledge; he doesn’t need to have manners.

But with Harry he felt the need to be kind, to impress.

Louis shook his mind free of those thoughts once the door handle turned.

It was as if an angel appeared from heaven and was brought before him.

Harry’s face was soft, his hair bouncing from his shoulders as the light from the window made him look as if he was glowing.

He was wearing an old sailors shirt, his chest peaked out from the collar. Louis urged himself to not get entranced.

Louis gathered himself, “Hello Harold.”

Harry smiled a gigantic, bright smile, his cheeks stained pink. “Hello Lord, my name is just Harry, by the way.”

“Well then, hello Just Harry.” Louis cringed at his horrible joke, _what is wrong with me?_

Harry just giggled and smiled, “You’re funny Lord, but may I ask why you are visiting me?”

“I haven’t seen you in some time, wanted to check up on you love. May I come in?”

Harry erupted into a blooming blush, “Oh my! M’sorry Lord, forgive my bad manners.”

Louis smiled and stepped inside Harry’s small room.

The room had beige stone walls, and a small metal wired bed in the left corner. A small desk remained at his bedside, littered with papers.

Louis’ heart stuttered as he sat beside Harry on his bed.

“Are you okay? Are they treating you fairly?”

“Um yeah, their hard lads to get by but I’ve made a few friends.” Harry fumbled with his hands nervously.

“Who? —um if you don’t mind me asking.” Louis cringed again at his awkward posture,

_Get it together Tomlinson._

Harry held a faint blush but smiled none the less, “I don’t mind Lord Tomlinson…there's this funny guy named Niall Horan. He’s pretty hilarious, has a funny accent too.”

Louis’ heart heaved in his chest, he hated the idea that anyone could make Harry laugh that wasn’t him.

“That all?” Louis tried not to sound vicious.

“Oh, there's also Nick Grimshaw. He’s funny too but um—” Harry paused for a moment. “Actually never mind that thought.”

Louis threw up a questioning brow, “Tell me Harold, I won’t hesitate to use force.”

Louis meant it as a joke but he saw the fear in Harry’s eyes.

He’s ashamed to say that it saddened him. He didn’t want Harry to be scared of him.

“—It was a joke love.” Louis said hurriedly

Harry’s face lightened, but only a smidgen. “Sorry, it’s the ‘scary macho leader’ persona that cautions me a tad.”

“It’s fine, I understand. If you don’t want to talk about it then I’ll wait till your ready.” Louis placed a comforting hand onto his shoulder.

Harry blushed, which he happened to do often, “Thank you Lord.”

Louis gazed around the small room, “Tell me about yourself.”

“Um, well you already know about my parents an—”

Louis cut him off, “No, I want to know about you. The real you, not the Golden Dawn you.”

Harry looked at him with something different, Louis couldn’t put a finger on it. The way his eyes tinged with happiness and his dimples bubbled out harder.

“I-I like poetry, and I write a lot, which is probably why I got this section choice. I was never a fighter but I like to say I fight through my words. I’m always tripping up though, which kind of scares me because well…what if I mess up? My mother she um…always wanted me to be apart of the community but she agreed with the monarchy which stung with me because they treat the lower class horribly! I was middle class growing up, so I never had the problems that many here have had but I know what’s right and wrong.”

Harry took a short breather,

“As I grew up my mother, um Anne, tried to set me up with girls my age. Saying that I needed to marry in a higher rank so that my children would prosper. But I was never into that, girls never hit my fancy. I just got so fed up with it all, so tired of the lies. So I packed my clothes in a rucksack and went on my way. I stumbled upon the meeting place, a-and don’t be mad Lord but I mostly joined for shelter. I agree with all you believe but the killing wasn’t what I signed up for. If you kill a killer, then you’re a killer, so wouldn’t the just thing be for someone to kill you? The cycle would continue on forever and no one would learn anything.’”

Louis wanted to be mad, he wanted to call guards and haul Harry off to the gallows.

But he understood Harry’s motives.

Sweet Harry, who wouldn’t hurt a soul, who was forced to be with people he never liked, who was torn apart emotionally but still stood strong physically. Louis admired his fight, and he just wanted to hold him. He wanted to tell him it was okay, that he was going to be fine.

“I can’t say that I agree, but I understand from your perspective. You’re beautiful Harry, inside and out.” Louis looked at him with admiration, like he was the sun.

“Are you going to excommunicate me, I-I understand because I lied about my reason and that—”  Harry let out a small sob, “—t-that I’m attracted to men.”

Louis forgot his place, his rank; all he saw was a broken boy, much like him.

Louis got up from the bed and kneeled in between Harry’s legs.

“Look at me sweetheart.” Louis whispered soothingly, pushing a foreign stray of hair from Harry’s forehead.

Harry solemnly looked at the man before him.

“I don’t care about any of those things. You may have with held information from me, but I forgive you for that. I am pretty much the equivalent of a dictator, I understand your impulse to shy away from me.”

Louis caressed Harry’s cheekbones, admiring their sharp structure.

“And you know what?”

“What” Harry sniffed

“I quite fancy men too, especially curly haired cute ones.” Louis placed a gentle kiss before Harry’s temple and made a quick escape to the exit.

His heart was rapid, cheeks flushed, and body shaking.

Louis sadly had to admit it now.

He had a horrible infatuation with Harry.

His skin was calloused and his face flooded with pink at the thought of Harry.

He wanted to hold him, read to him, tell him about all his travels, buy him jewels, kiss him, touch him, and ravish him.

Louis wanted everything Harry had to offer, but he knew he could never have it.

Harry deserved a man who was sweet and patient; not a hot-headed jerk who liked to have control over others. Harry needed a man who could run away with him and make his aspirations in life come true.

Louis knew he had none of those qualities, but he couldn’t bear the thought of Harry being touched by another.

It made his blood boil just thinking about it.

Louis smacked his head against the wall next to Harry’s room, trying to will away his thoughts.

He thought about how scared Harry must be, that a disgusting man is having these thoughts about him.

Louis felt like a beast.

He couldn’t look at himself in the mirror anymore; he didn’t want to face his demon.

A wet substance trickled down Louis’ cheek as he frantically wiped it away.

It was a tear.

Louis’ anger began to bubble up inside, he had never cried since the night he lost his sisters.

Louis gasped out a desperate breath as his legs gave way to the ground.

He fell onto the floor with a thud as tears cascaded down his once dry visage. He felt like he was on fire, like all his cells were exploding and twisting in torment.

“Louis? Louis!”

No one calls him Louis, but he felt so weak, so alone.

He pitifully looked up from his placement, too see his angel before him.

Harry was a sight for sore eyes, his beautiful face was etched with concern as he kneeled down beside Louis.

“C-can I pick you up?” Harry asked with a sense of urgencyLouis felt himself falling into fatigue, “Please.”

Louis wanted to disappear from existence, he just wanted the pain to go away.

 

*

 

Louis groaned in agony as he opened his eyes to a dim light.

“Am I dead?” Louis moaned pitifully.

“No Lord Tomlinson, you are much alive.” A familiar voice called out, Louis didn’t have the energy to place a name to it.

A splitting headache erupted into Louis’ brain.

“Fucking hell.” Louis sat up and looked at his surroundings, he was laying in his chambers; he doesn’t remember when or how he got there.

“Please Lord, rest yourself.”

Louis looked over to his bedside and saw Liam Payne, his health advisor, looking at him with caution.

“What happened?” Louis demanded in frustration, his head still pounding.

Liam shrugged, “One of the pledges came to me, literally holding you in his arms. He said you passed out from the smell in the pledge house and fatigue.”

Louis knew that Harry lied, but he admired the fact that he spared Louis’ dignity.

“Seems about right.” Louis mumbled

“But we still had to question him, of course. Count Malik almost sent him to the gallows—”

Louis shot up, his eyes wide “Where is he!”, he yelled, he looked insane, like a madman.

Liam was taken back by Louis sudden rage, “Count Malik?”

“No! Where the hell is Harry.” Louis gritted his teeth, and glared at Dr. Payne.

“Harry?” Liam questioned, looking puzzled for a moment, “Oh! The pledge that took you in. He should be back in his section. Even though Count Malik was furious, he had no evidence that Harry did any harm. He needed your consent to send him off for execution anyway.”

Louis sighed in relief, “You aren’t needed anymore Payne. Could you send Harry to my chambers? I need to discuss the situation.”

Liam nodded, “Not to worry you Lord, but the King is hosting a parade to commemorate the death of his mother this afternoon. I was wondering if you want us to try out the pledges for the raid.”

Louis cursed under his breath, he forgot all about the stupid King and the annual parade.

“Does that mean I was out for the whole day?”

“Yes, you were out like a light yesterday. But about my idea…”

“Oh, right. That’s a good idea Payne. Consult it with Officer Joseph, see if he believes they’re actually ready for that high of a task. I can’t deal with any more missteps.”

Liam immediately left to confront Harry and inform Officer Joseph while Louis sat at his desk cursing the Gods.

Louis was furious with himself for breaking down like that, and in front of Harry of all people. He never cried, it seemed as if Harry broke down all his walls. He was forced to face the demons in his past and confront his insecurities.

Louis needed it to stop.

He wished he could go back to his old ways. The days where he wore no emotion and never showed a sign of adoration.

A timid knock sounded from behind his door.

“Who is it?” Louis called out

“Harry Styles, Payne told me to come here um Lord.” Harry’s sultry voice called out from the door.

“You can come in…” Louis glanced at himself in the mirror, _I’m a fucking mess_. Louis quickly stood up and slicked his hair back and checked his breath. He immediately halted when he realized what he was doing.

_So much for ignoring my feelings_

Harry entered the room quietly and looked down and the floor.

“I’m sorry for being incompetent and touching you without getting a full answer. I didn’t know I was disobeying but Count Malik said that I should of call—“

“No, Harry. Thank you for that, Malik can go to hell for all I care. He had no right to threaten you.”

Harry’s eyes widened at Louis blatant disrespect towards Zayn but kept it to himself.

“But I’m sorry I overreacted back there, I shouldn’t have come to your room in the first place.” Louis solemnly spoke, looking at Harry for forgiveness.

Harry took a bold step forward, “No! I was glad you came over. I like your company.”

“I like keeping you company.” Louis retorted, stepping closer to Harry so that they were face to face.

Harry blushed, “About what you said yesterday—”

“I said a lot of things yesterday, may have to give me more detail.” Louis teased slightly

Harry smiled, his dimples emerged a tad, “About me liking men, and you, um, liking boys with curly hair?”

Louis laughed, something he hasn’t done in a long time.

“I believe I said something of the sort.” Louis looked at him intently, “I was serious about that, you know, liking you.”

It took everything Louis had to say those words, to admit his feelings. He struggled with his sexuality through adulthood; he found it impossible to be acquainted with a woman. Louis wanted to get Harry out of his mind, just bring it out to the open.

Louis knew it was wrong to have feelings for a pledge,

but when has he ever followed the rules?

Harry stood in awe, his cheeks even redder.  He didn’t utter a word, just stared.

“You don’t feel the same…” Louis said in dejection, his heartbeat was rapid, it felt as if his heart was torn from his body.

Harry stood in silence.

“Just _get out_ Harry” Louis demanded, his teeth bare.

“No I—” Harry popped back to life, seeing the livid man.

“No! Get out!” Louis furiously threw his glass beer bottle off his desk and it shattered to the ground.

“No!” Harry yelled, “I feel the same!”

“Oh fuck off! Get out of here before I-I call you for execution…” Louis’ voice cracked, he knew he was bluffing. He would never harm Harry, even if he hated him.

Harry’s eyes held desperation. He was so distracted and in shock from Louis to even utter a reply. He cursed his horrible misfortune, but he had to try one last thing. Even if it led him to be executed, he would die a happy man.

Harry surged forward and captured Louis’ lips with his own.

Louis stood in shock; he had an original impulse to push away but he refrained.

Harry’s lips were soft, just as Louis imagined, he tasted of apples and light beer.

Louis felt electrified as their lips sweetly caressed one another. Louis became consumed in the feeling of Harry against his tongue.

Louis felt like he was in heaven, his eyes were clouded in all that was Harry. Louis slid his hand down Harry’s backside and gripped his bum. Harry let out an exasperated moan against Louis’ lips as Louis groped him.

Louis admired the feeling of Harry’s skin against his own, his pulse beating with his.

Even though Louis would love to stay against Harry’s beautiful lips he pulled away; having other intentions.

A strand of saliva strayed between their lips as Louis pulled away.

“Lou, I-I” Harry desperately grinded onto Louis, his erection was prominent against Louis’ leg.

“Want to taste you, love.” Louis whispered into Harry’s ear, nibbling at his neck.

“P-please” Harry sobbed out, groaning at Louis licking his pulse.

“Lay on the bed baby, I want to see you.”

Harry whimpered but laid across the Louis’ bed.

“Spread your legs.” Louis commanded, Harry obliged willingly, whimpering as Louis slid between him.

Louis slowly unbuttoned his trousers, shaking them off forcefully.

“Oh sweetheart, look at you. So hard for me, so plaint.” Louis pressed a soft kiss to Harry’s clothed erection.

“I’m going to take care of you, make you feel good.” Harry preened at Louis words, his breath tingled on his skin, setting him ablaze.

Louis removed Harry’s pants, and his member slapped stomach, red and eager with anticipation.

Louis salivated at the sight of Harry’s pretty and large cock, “Fuck, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

Louis took Harry’s balls into his palm and fondled them with his nimble fingers.

“A-H! Don’t tease me p-please!” Harry gripped the bed sheets in lust.

Louis smirked at his desperation, “Are you telling me what to do, love.”

Louis placed his thumb on the tip of Harry’s cock, rubbing the dribble of precum that emerged. “Want me to suck you baby?” Louis placed his face to Harry’s cock, placing small breaths against the sensitive skin.

Harry grunted, “ _Ye-Yes_.” Louis grabbed the thick cock with a swift move causing Harry to throw his head back in ecstasy.

“Yes what?” Louis demanded.

“Yes Lord.” Harry gasped out, Louis gripped harder.

“No,” Louis swiftly brought himself up to Harry’s face “say my name.”

Louis gutted his hand and gave Harry’s cock a quick jerk, “Louis! _Ah-Louis_ please!” Harry sobbed out in painful attraction.

“Good boy.” Louis smirked as he sunk back down to Harry’s member.

Louis placed a kitty lick to the head, tasting the delicious taste of sweet sweat and salt.

Harry groaned as Louis latched his mouth onto his cock, swirling his tongue to please him.

Harry let out soft moans and grunts as Louis bobbed down on him, taking him whole.

Louis nose brushed against the soft tuffs of hair above Harry’s cock, his eyes watered from the stretch in his throat.

“ _Fuck! Lo-Louis!_ ” Harry called out pitifully as Louis continued to swirl his tongue onto his member.

Louis pulled off Harry’s cock with a pop and placed sweet kisses against his foreskin.

He began to jerk Harry off, twisting his hand and caressing his balls. His thumb brushed the slit, cum dibbling out.

“I’m gon-gonna cum.”  Harry cried out, his veins popped and his eyes were a dark shade of green. His grip on the sheets tightened as Louis went down on him once more.

Louis pushed his hands under Harry’s bum and gripped it, pushing Harry’s ass up, fucking his own mouth with Harry’s cock.

Harry sobbed out moans, and muttered incoherent words and phrases. He felt the tight heat bundle up inside him as he reached closer to his climax.

Harry’s toes curled as he came with a loud shout, he shot his hot load down Louis’ throat.

Louis sputtered a bit, but swallowed the salty concoction. Harry gasped out as Louis milked his cock.

Harry laid down with a serene smile of satisfaction across his visage. Louis slid beside him, playfully pulling his fingers through Harry’s curly locks.

“Was I good, hm?” Louis mumbled into Harry’s neck as he kissed it.

“Utterly amazing, I think I saw God.” Harry giggled as he turned his face to place a tender kiss to the older lads lips. Harry shuffled off the bed to retrieve his pants and with a pout from Louis he returned without a protest.

“Oh bugger off.” Louis snorted.

Harry kissed Louis’ neck, “Hm, what do I taste like?” He whispered roughly

“Salt and vinegar, utterly gross.” Louis snorted and Harry threw a pillow at him.

“I’m kidding, beautiful, you taste lovely.” Louis ran his fingers through Harry’s curls once more.

Harry’s eyes widened, “Wait, let me return the favor Lou.”

Now it was Louis time to blush, “I may have already, you know…”

Harry looked down to Louis’ crotch and back up to Louis, “You got off on…getting me off?”

Louis flustered, “Yes I did, now shut up. It’s embarrassing enough.”

Harry giggled and kissed Louis’ nose. “No, it’s not embarrassing. It’s actually…hot.” Harry mumbled into Louis neck.

Louis smirked, “Oh really now?”

“Oh shush!” Harry giggled and Louis couldn’t believe how lucky he was.

Harry let out a small yawn and Louis kissed his temple, “Want to rest baby? Great orgasms can do that to you.”

Harry chuckled but nodded in agreement.

“Can we cuddle?”

It was an innocent thing, Louis knew that but he was so taken back. He wasn’t use to the sweet sentiment of holding a partner but he found himself yearning for it.

“Course we can darling.” Louis silently scooped Harry up from behind and cradled him.

He felt Harry’s steady heart beat and the warmth of his skin. He whispered sweet words of comfort into his ear as they both fell into sweet slumber.

A loud bang woke Louis up and he grunted in annoyance, he peered his eyes open to find the warm light of the morning staring back at him.

He didn’t realize he slept that long.

He tried to shift out but found himself attached to a warm body.

Louis was at first confused but when he opened his eyes he saw a wild array of chocolate curls and the smell of apple filled his lungs.

Everything that happened prior came rushing back to him and a smile stretched across his face. He kissed Harry’s cheek and got out of bed, careful not to wake him.

Louis pulled open his chamber doors in a groggy state and was bombarded by Zayn who was holding what appeared to be a pledge.

“Sorry to wake you at this early time but I have matters to discuss with you, which include this pledge.”

Louis sighed but stepped out of his chambers, quick to shut the door so they couldn’t see the sleeping Harry.

Louis looked at Zayn expectantly which caused Zayn to fluster, “The raid last afternoon was success Lord, but it was almost derailed by this pledge.” Zayn thrusted the blonde pledge forward, Louis immediately remembered him as one of the pledges that got into a fight during the interrogations.

“State your name pledge.” Louis demanded, he wanted this to hurry up so he could return to slumber before Harry awoke.

“Niall James Horan, Lord. And can I say that this bastard ‘ova here rejected ‘ma plea ta search for one of ‘ma friends that belongs ta the society. That was the only reason for ‘ma ‘derailing of the raid’ as Mr. Prissy Pants likes to put it.”  Niall huffed, and Zayn retracted his hand back to strike him.

“Halt Malik.” Louis gave him a deep glare, Zayn immediately paled, Louis only calls him Malik when he is absolutely on edge with him.

“First, you will only call him Count Malik, any sign of disrespect and you will be shipped off of my land in the blink of an eye. Second, you do not jeopardize any assignment, no matter what happens or who gets lost and thirdly, who is this person you have deemed more important than the raid?”

Louis saw the temperament flash through Niall’s eyes, he found his name familiar but he dismissed the thought.

“His name’s Harry Styles.” Niall grumbled, “He’s tall, curly hair, and has a pretty face. I haven’t seen em’ for a solid day, and that’s not because he was busy. Like, he got moved ta the journalism section and he is supposed ta be in his room but he hasn’t! He totally disappeared, and I’m no snitch mate; I’m just concerned s’all.”

Louis tried to contain his anxiety but a tangle of fear grasped his lungs. His memory jolted forward, this was the Niall Horan that Harry told him about.

He didn’t like the idea of everyone knowing about him and Harry. He didn't want the knowledge of their escapades released to the public.

He feared for Harry’s dignity. He would be tormented and dubbed the ‘common whore’ of the Golden Dawn.

Louis just wanted Harry happy.

“He’ll turn up Horan. As of now you will return to your assigned section and leave me to find your lost friend.”

He dismissed Niall but Zayn stayed by his side until Niall was out of sight.

“The 'lost' boy is the same one who brought you to Payne, Lord! He must be a spy! First, he knocks you out and makes a bullshit attempt to cover it up and now he just disappears? He’s dangerous, I’ll send out some officers to find him, don’t worry.” Zayn rambled like a madman, controlled by trying to please his leader.

Louis’ face contorted into fear and anger, “Don’t you dare Malik. I let you off with trying to execute this poor boy and now your accusing him of treason? Are you mad?” Louis seethed

Zayn was put back, “Lord, you don’t understand! He is obviously planning something! I’m doing this for your safety.”

Zayn turned to walk away but Louis gripped his arm with the intent to bruise, “Don’t you dare fucking disobey me. This is _my society_ , you have no jurisdiction to over rule me. Harry Styles is _no threat_ , I called him into my chambers yesterday, just ask Payne. He has been their all night with me, going over attack strategies and fake documents. Back off before I make you regret it.”

Louis fiercely turned away and slammed the door.

“Fuck.” Louis gasped as he gripped his head in frustration.

“Lou?” Harry’s voice peered through Louis’ air waves.

“Hi sweetheart.” Louis tried to show a sense of cheer.

“What happened?” Harry’s hair was ruffled and in a tangled mess, his face looked tired out but he still had a sex haze around him that suffocated Louis.

Louis fumbled himself to the bed and plopped down beside Harry. “Niall started a ruckus about you. Zayn accused you of being a spy and I had to scare the living daylights out of him.” Louis groaned, “What a great morning.”

Harry’s brows furrowed, “Is this about me staying over?—Oh shit! I just—ugh the raid, I was supposed to go wasn’t I…”

Louis shot up and gave Harry a stern look, “It’s not your fault, okay? Everyone was just overreacting, now get back here and cuddle me you fool.”

Harry giggled, though still concerned, but he fell back into Louis and lulled himself away to Louis’ heartbeat.

 

*

 

Louis had to discuss the products of the raid with the rest of the council so Harry returned to the pledge house.

Louis was bored without Harry, he missed his dimples, his laugh, and his everything. He decided to waste time by walking through the courtyard, waiting for Harry.

Louis continued to kick a sole pebble to spend his time, contemplating his future with Harry.

_Do we even have a future?_

Louis couldn’t find himself without Harry, but he didn’t understand how they could even be together in the end.

Louis would eventually have to tell Golden Dawn of his commitment to Harry, they would either accept him or deny. Louis had no consequences; Harry, however, would be punished if they believed he tried to seduce their leader.

“I can’t wait for tonight, it’s going to be fun.” that statement was followed by a few laughs, “For us at least.” called another voice.

Louis turned his attention to the sound and found a group of five officers walking about after the council meeting.

He walked over to them in a stride, wanting to be informed about tonight's events.

They saw Louis and their eyes widened with fear as they retained to silence.

“Hello Lord Tomlinson.” Each called out respectively, Louis remembered their names and their faces from the council meeting.

He turned to a black haired officer, “What is the event being held tonight, Officer Urie.”

“The pledge ritual, Lord. Aren’t you excited to scare some pledges?” Officer Urie said with a snicker and a wink.

Louis remembered him as the flirt of the council; even though he was an attractive gentleman, Louis never found himself attracted to kiss asses.

“I won’t be attending this year. I have paperwork and such to fill.” Louis walked away without a second thought.

Then it hit him.

It was the _pledge ritual_.

The same pledge ritual in which officers kidnap, beat, flog, humiliate, and grope pledges.

Harry was a pledge.

Bile filled Louis throat at the thought of Harry being touched by _other men_.

Harry was _his_.

Louis wasn’t going to let anyone touch him, not a single person.

His blood began to boil at the fact that he forgot, that if he hadn’t overheard that conversation then Harry would of been beaten and abused.

It made Louis sick.

He didn’t have this problem with the others because he didn’t connect with them the way he did with Harry.

Louis knew that was wrong, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

He paced himself back and forth in his office, filling out papers and constantly checking the clock.

His mind was in a constant loop of Harry, Harry, and Harry.

It was all he could think about.

A tepid knock interrupted his limbo of thought.

“Lord?” Louis recognized that beautiful voice anywhere.

“I thought I told you to call me Louis, love.” Louis opened the door and placed a chaste kiss to Harry’s lips, pulling him in.

“I-I didn’t know if you wanted it outside the bedroom, was concerned if you’d be okay with it.”

Louis’ heart pounded at his sincerity, “Of course I wouldn’t mind, as long as it’s just you.”

The next two hours they spent in pure bliss, Harry played with Louis’ soft hair while Louis worked on his paperwork.

They made conversation by talking about their biggest dreams, Harry told Louis of his dream to go to America and having a family, which made Louis’ heart heave.

Harry talked with dreamy eyes of his perfect household, two girls and a boy along with one cat, and he talked about a one story house with green grass and a pear tree on the side of the yard.

Louis wished he could live up to those dreams.

Louis hummed in content to Harry’s every word, hearing every slur of a word he pronounced.

“You know, Louis?” Harry said kissing his cheek

“What?” Louis said in adoration

“I just like to sit and admire what you're like, you know?” Harry blushed, “You’re just so interesting, the way to stick your tongue out when you right, how you flick your fair back on impulse, how you tap your feet when you’re anxious, angry, or bored.”

Louis looked at him with surprise and quirked his eyebrow, “Hm sounds like a stalker tendency to me love.”

Harry mumbled in protest but Louis just laughed.

“Right there!” Harry interjected

Louis hummed in content, “What?”

“That’s my favorite thing in the world, when you truly smile or laugh and you get these cute crinkles in the corner of your eyes.”

Louis blushed a quiet crimson, “Hush you.” he mumbled as he turned his chair around and pecked Harry’s lips.

20 minutes later and Harry was straddling Louis against the bedpost, there heart beats steadied at the same pace.

“What time is it Lou?” Harry mumbled into the crook of Louis’ neck.

“About 10, why love?” Louis whispered softly, twirling Harry’s curls with his finger.

Harry groaned, “I’m past my curfew today, we had to be in our rooms by 9:30.”

Louis blood ran cold, “Don’t go.” Louis flipped Harry’s back onto the bed in an attempt to contain him.

Harry laughed aloud, his eyes a bright bubbly green, “Get off me you oaf!” but Louis just dug his head further into Harry’s chest.

“Nope, just stay with me. Okay?” Louis whispered, not wanting to underly to Harry his true motives.

Harry wrapped his arms around Louis waist and snuggled in closer, “Mm, I think my officer would understand. ‘Sorry Lord Tomlinson held me captive with hugs.’, seems reasonable.”

Louis snorted, “Perfect.”

Louis felt at ease for the first time today.

They both undressed and unlit the lamp light, they found themselves wrapped up with one another, swaddled in the bed sheets with the moon as their only witness.

 

*

 

Louis woke up alone.

It was a shock to him, he almost scrambled out of the room in urgency because he thought Harry returned to his room after he fell asleep.

But he found a small piece of parchment paper lying across his pillow.

Louis picked it up with cautious hands,

 

_Good morning Lou,_

_I had to leave early because I couldn’t miss the meeting this morning, but I’ll be back in a few. Just relax today and don’t let anything stress you out. I hated seeing you so worked up over paperwork last night, I just wanted to kiss all your stress away.  Stay beautiful (and yes, I think you are beautiful my little macho man) and be the leader I know you want to be._

_Love,_

_Harry_

 

Louis smiled at the note and placed it on his desk.

He found his nicest silk grey button up and tightest black trousers he owned, he paired it with a black trench coat and slicked his hair back in a quiff.

Louis checked himself out before he deemed it ravishing enough to see Harry in, what can he say? He wanted to impress.  

He wanted to do something productive with his time so he went to consult Officer Joseph about the pledge ritual yesterday.

Louis loved the cold, how it pricked his skin, and nipped his nose; so he didn’t mind the grueling walks through the gate ways to approach the Officiant Building.

The leafs were almost bare upon the cold winter trees as they trembled from the wind.

As Louis got nearer to his destination, he saw the old grey stone work that paved the way into the building.

Louis hummed a tune as he opened the metal doors, his eyes were met with the gold wallpapered entrance hall.

“Lord Tomlinson! How may I be of your service?” A toned man from behind a glass chamber questioned, he was the greeter in the Officiant Building, used to run errands and organize officers.

Louis’ placed a stolid appearance across his visage once more, wanting to lack emotion.

“Fetch me Officer Joseph, I need the reports and statistics from the pledge ritual.” Louis demanded without a sign of formality.

The man nodded and bolted from his post, eager to answer the Lord’s demand.

Louis seated himself on a red covered seat, tapping his foot in boredom. He was an impatient man; he hated waiting for anything, especially people.

Officer Joseph eventually emerged with a flurry of papers, “Sorry Lord, I had a bit of a hassle getting my things together.”

Louis sighed in annoyance, “Okay, get on with it already. I have a tight schedule.”

Louis just wanted an excuse to go see Harry.

“Oh, right! Of course, well, only three pledges gave up and failed the training sequence. We had them excommunicated and sent on their way immediately.”

Louis nodded, “Good good, is that all?” he urged, trying to speed up the process.

“Actually, I have a concern Lord.” Officer Joseph’s face was draining of color with every breath he took.

Louis raised an eyebrow, “And that may be?”

“We didn’t have all the pledges last night. Their was a complaint before hand about this pledge because he didn’t appear in the raid, he never came back to his room for a whole night, and—well Count Malik said that he might be a spy.”

Louis’ heart sunk, it was Harry.

His skin burned, his throat clogged.

“Count Malik said he was Harry Edward Styles, but I wanted to consult you first before we put anything into action.”

Louis’ gut wrenched at his misfortune, he couldn’t let them get so suspicious over Harry. It was becoming overbearing.

“It’s nothing, I already explained this to Count Malik, who obviously doesn’t seem to listen. Harry and I where and currently are working on organization and planning dates and events. Leave him alone, or I swear, I will put an end to this all.” Louis huffed in rage as he raced out of the building.

He could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he tried to run towards his Hall, needing to get to the comfort of his own chambers.

The wind rushed by him in a violent gush swallowed him whole, his body was shaking from anxiety.

He was tired of these new feelings, being scared, hurt, confused, anxious, happy.

He had never had such an uproar of feelings.

For once, after three years, he felt human.

Louis didn’t want to welcome these feelings; he was so accustomed to the hollow heart he used to possess.

Harry was changing him.

Harry was reverting him back to the boy he used to be before the attack three years ago.

_the attack_

Louis had pushed it to the farthest of his mind, in Pandora’s box.

All the built up emotion spread throughout Louis’ body like a virus.

His brain blurred, heart clenched, and as he closed his eyes he could still see his sister’s faces.

He could see the blood.

Louis gripped onto his coat as he collapsed at the door of his Hall.

Every blink possessed a darker memory.

Louis sobbed clutching onto the concrete steps, “Stop!”

He screamed at his demons.

His heart was thumping, his veins pulsing as he slowly slipped from sanity.

He tried to breathe; he took one steady breath followed by another.

Tears still streamed down his countenance, he let a steady beat of silence follow through as he grasped to contain himself.

“You’re stronger than this Louis.” He whispered to himself, his face blotched and red.

He struggled to get to his feet and he fell to the door handle, using it as leverage.

He entered his building with steady hands, his mind still in a blur. He clutched onto a wall, he steadied his breathing and walked forward.

If Louis couldn’t be strong then he would pretend.

He placed his cold hand on his chamber entrance.

He walked into the warm room,

and he saw the most despicable sight.

 

*

 

“What the hell are you doing in my chambers!” Louis’ voice was livid, his past mood forgotten.

There, against Louis’ desk, stood Zayn.

Louis looked towards his hands, as he appeared to be clutching something.

His heart dropped,

Zayn was holding Harry’s letter.

“I came to check up on you, you didn’t answer and I was worried. I know, I trespassed into your private property which is a crime, but this!” Zayn thrust Harry’s letter into the air, “—This is disgusting! You lied to me, you’re most trusted advisory, for a _pledge_.”

“Shut the hell up, you have no right to speak to me. What happens between Harry and I is _our business_. Not yours to butt your idiotic head in. I will have you executed tonight for the breach of privacy, trespassing, and disrespect.” Louis strode up to Zayn and clutched the collar of his shirt.

Zayn’s face contorted, “You broke the pledge agreement! All that time you spent with ‘paperwork’ was actually spent fucking a pledge into submission while he used you to get what he wanted!”

“And what in the hell would he want from me!” Louis growled, his voice boomed.

“Power! Leverage!” Zayn shouted, Louis slammed him to the wall.

“He isn’t like that you disgusting swine, he doesn’t want that bullshit.”

“How would you know! You barely know him! He’s changed you Lord. You stopped caring about raids, the rituals, meetings, and you completely abandoned the main goal! We used to want to _KILL THE KING!_ Now all you do is petty robberies!”

Louis threw a punch, knocking Zayn’s head into the wall; making a cracking sound.

“I know him, you ungrateful swine. He loves to write stupid poems about family and freedom, he dreams to live in America to settle down, he sips his tea with his pinky up, he walks into a room with his left foot first because he thinks it’s good luck, he loves humming little bird tunes, he double knots his shoelaces, he has a soft spot behind his ear and he loves when I kiss him there. He also, never wanted to be like you and I. He believes in peace over violence, so please, inform me how you know him so much better than I.”

Zayn was still groaning from the excruciating pain to reply.

It was right then that Louis realized,

he had no place here.

His destiny couldn’t be to overthrow a monarchy. His heart had been guarded by vengeance for too long, setting the score with parliament wouldn’t be justified.

Harry’s words pierced through his skull like a knife

_‘If you kill a killer, then you’re a killer, so wouldn’t the just thing be for someone to kill you? The cycle would continue on forever and no one would learn anything.’_

__ For yet another first time, Louis admitted his faults.

He was so determined to ‘set the score’ that he had become consumed with greed for power.

He had become the man he set out to revolt against.

It was a cycle.

Harry opened his eyes to the light, to the underlying realization that he was blinding himself the whole time.

Louis dropped Zayn to the floor, “Leave, leave the land Malik. Don’t ever return.”

Louis bolted out of the room, in search for Harry.

He had finally found his true motivation in life, his soul was alive again.

Louis bounded through the courtyard, his urgency to see Harry had increased drastically.

He set out a plan before him,

Zayn would report the mishap to the members of Golden Dawn, they would have the choice to execute them both now that Louis has done bodily harm to his supposed right hand man.

Louis leaped through the pledge house doors, ignoring the blatant smell, and charged himself up to Harry’s room.

Commotion seemed to be coming from Harry’s room, a spark of fear lit beneath his spine.

A million fears breached his mind as he yanked open the pledge door.

 

“ _Get off me!_ ”

Louis’ eyes became poisoned with the image of a foreign man holding Harry against the wall.

It reminded him all too well of his sisters.

Louis ran forward and yanked the man off of Harry.

He became consumed by rage and terrible tremors as he began to smash his fists into the unsuspecting man’s body and face rapidly.   

Harry stood in shock and the man howled in pain, screaming bloody murder.

“ _Louis! Stop!_ ” Harry screamed, trying to pull Louis back.

Louis lashed out furiously, drawing blood with every punch.

His mind was filled with the sound of his sisters screaming.

He saw the knights who took his sisters in the man’s face.

“STOP LOU! You’re going to kill him!” Harry cried out as he attempted to pry Louis away.

Louis looked down at his bloodied hands, then to the mauled face that belonged to the attacker.

He blinked, he looked down at the broken face before him.

Louis couldn’t see the knights anymore.

They were gone.

nd down inside, Louis knew that they were always gone. He was bringing them back; he was letting them control him.

He shakily got up from his position, his body convulsing as he smashed his hands against the wall, bloody hand prints stained the beige walls.

“Louis, Louis, look at me!” Harry stood shaking his shoulders, trying to knock him into reality.

Louis broke down, he fell into Harry’s arms his blood stained fingers clutched to his shirt.

“M’sorry, M’so sorry.” Louis’ voice was broken, his face was tangled in Harry’s hair. Harry rubbed circles in his spine, humming a soft tune.

“I thou-thought he was taking advantage of you. I couldn’t let that happen again.”

“Again?” Harry felt his heart concave in his chest.

Louis clutched to him tighter, “They raped my sisters, they took them from me…I-I miss them so much Harry.”

Harry willed himself not to cry, “W-who?” He continued to rub Louis back.

“King Edward VII’s knights.”

It all made sense to Harry now, the built up anger, the stone cold appearance, and the stolid emotion.

“I’ve got you now, you’re okay Lou. They aren’t here to hurt you anymore.”

They stood their in the corner of the room, both broken boys held each other with a fierce bond, neither willing to let go.

“I’m half a heart without you Lou.”

Louis smiled, tears streaming down his face, “Don’t go soft on me now Styles.”

A agonizing groan interrupted their bubble of contentment.

Louis heart spiked.

“Who is he, love?” Louis pulled back and stared intently into Harry’s eyes.

Harry’s face paled, “Nick—he just, the pledge ritual messed him up. H-he thought it was unfair that I didn’t receive the ritual like he did. S-so he was going to show me w-what I missed out on.”

Louis eyes filled with a darker shade of blue, “I’ll kill him.”

“No, you did enough. Please—”

“This is the same Nick you told me about before? Was this the thing you didn’t want to tell me about.”

Harry blushed, “Sorry, it’s just that he was always a little more affectionate. I didn’t want you to do something rash.”

Louis mind flashed to Zayn.

“Might be too late for that…” Louis sighed

Harry gave him a quizzical look, “What did you do?” looking like a stern mother.

“Malik found out about you and I, and I may or may not have punched him in the face.”

A small gasp escaped Harry’s mouth, “Lou! B-but you could be executed!”

“So could you!” Louis sighed, “That’s why I came to find you.”

Louis took Harry’s hands into his own.

“I want to leave this; I want to leave all this anger and madness behind. I realized that I needed to move on from my past, that I can’t let their fates loom on me. I want to be with you, away from here. We can get a boat to America and start that family you dreamed of. I want all of that with you.”

Harry held a weak smile as tears gleamed in his eyes, his face was red, but it held determination and love.

“I’d follow you to hell and back.” Harry pressed a kiss to Louis’ lips, taking in the salty tears and the wear and tear of the past years.

Louis took Harry’s hand, only after he put a swift kick to Nick’s rib cage, and led him through the hall.

Louis concluded that the Golden Dawn could continue without him, that all those people he met will be better off if he continued on his way.

Staying here wasn’t their destiny,

loving each other was.

They kept their hands locked as they ran through the courtyard.

As they ran through the courtyard, cold winter air blowing through their hair, their faces were lit with excitement.

Louis still felt fear as he walked towards the automobiles parked towards the exit.

But for another first time, he knew he wasn’t alone. He had someone that—dare he say— _loved him_ , and he felt infinite.

So as he pulled out through the forest, leaving behind the only place he’d ever knew without a penny to his name, he felt brave.

 _And yes_ , thought Louis as he looked towards Harry as they drove through the thick woods,

_I think falling in love will be my greatest achievement of all._

 

[ and if Louis named his and Harry’s two daughters after his sisters, then that was their secret to keep ]

 ****  


**Author's Note:**

> ow.
> 
> lel.


End file.
